Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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