she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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