in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
