I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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