I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
