When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
