Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
