does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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