I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
