Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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