she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
