this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
