Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
