I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
