obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
