U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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