My friends, they love my intelligence
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
