i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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