Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
