You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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