My liver just broke up with me...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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