I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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