I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
