I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
