Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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