Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
