1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Soap is not a condiment
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
