Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
