Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
