so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
