I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
