He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
