thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
