Porn is love you can see.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
