Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This baby is an asshole
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need a beard to bite.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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