Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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