It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
