It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
