Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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