she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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