your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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