dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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