Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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