My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
