when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
