You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
