so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
