Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish you could order shots online.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
