i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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