Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
