were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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