i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
