TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i dont even know how to be here
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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