how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
