Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
