I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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