butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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