i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
