listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
