Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
