ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
