Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
